The Past Catches Up To Us All
by carsonsheir
Summary: It has been 20 years since the final battle, and the years have not been kind to Harry Potter. He has left behind the past that haunts him, or at least tried to. In this story you will find out that you can hide from your demons but never really escape
1. An unexpected visitor

Title: The past catches up with us all.

Main Character: Harry Potter

Summary: It has been 20 years since the final battle, and the years have not been kind to Harry Potter. He has left behind the past that haunts him, or at least tried to. In this story you will find out that you can hide from your demons but never really escape them.

An: Ok this was/is my first attempt at fan fiction. I had this story up for quite a while however several people have suggested I combine some of the chapters because a few of them are quite skimpy. So I have done that I have also made some minor changes. I also took out the author notes at the end of the chapter. The updates will come a few times a month I hope. This story is rated M for a reason so please no complaints about violence or the graphic description of it. Thanks for reading

Chapter One: Confusion and an unexpected visitor

Voldemort was laughing a high-pitched insane laugh as he gazed at the supposed "boy who lived." He sneered with disdain as he noticed potter's robes, covered with the blood of his Death Eaters. Voldemort gazed out into the great battle taking place around him. He glanced to his left to Lucius Malfoy, who had his wand pointed at the heart of Hermione Granger, and then to the right where Bellatrix Lestrange similarly had her wand trained on Ron Weasley. After making sure those two were secured, he looked back to Potter and hissed in a hateful voice.

"Your choice, Potter. Which one dies first, the mudblood Granger or the muggle-loving wizard traitor, Weasley?"

Up till this point, Harry had been very calm and collected. He had turned his head to take in the battle scene. The grounds of Hogwarts were dotted with the corpses of brave soldiers of the light and evil scum alike. Members of The Order Of the Phoenix were battling side by side with the D.A, the staff of Hogwarts, students 4th year and up and several ministry aurors. The Death Eaters that Voldemort had brought with him on his surprise attack were slowly being defeated. Harry watched Severus Snape kill a Death Eater with a well placed AVADA KEDAVRA. His attention was slowly drawn back to Voldemort when he spoke.

Registering the words that Voldemort spoke, Harry first turned to his best friend, Ron. His green eyes filled with so many emotions that it would be impossible to sort them all out. He quietly said all that he wanted to say in that one last look, and Ron reciprocated in the exact same way. Then he turned and looked at Hermione Granger, the person that Ron loved more than Harry in the entire world and said his goodbyes as well. Then he turned to Voldemort and said, "No, Tom, I don't think they will be the one to die. Tonight is your time to die."

Both Lestrange and Malfoy snapped hurried glances toward their leader, and at his nod they simultaneously cast AVADA KEDAVRA at their hostages. Twin flashes of green light leapt from their wands.

Harry Potter's eyes sprang open. For a moment he could not figure out for the life of him where he was. He expected to see the killing curse headed towards his two best friends, but instead he was in a dark room. It hit him that it was all a dream, the same dream he had been dreaming for damn near twenty years now. With a groan, he tried to sit up and instantly regretted the action. His head felt like he had a herd of Hippogriffs thundering through it. He wondered just how much he had to drink last night. Harry reached over to the side table, found his glasses and slipped them onto his face. Even that little action hurt more then he would have believed it could. He shouldn't be surprised by the hangover, considering it was a more than once a week event but this one seemed especially wicked.

Harry reached down to grab one of the sobrieties potions that he had prepared. His hand brushed 4 or five empty alcohol bottles and something sharp before he felt the distinctive shape of the potion's bottle. He grabbed it and quickly unscrewed the top before pouring the whole thing in his mouth. Within seconds he felt the headache diminish and he could sit up. Once he sat up he discovered a new problem: there was someone else in his bed lying next to him. A pretty good looking woman, judging from the hair and shape she had underneath the thin sheet. Harry vainly tried to remember what her name was and why she was in his bed. He suddenly pictured the inside of a bar, Amanda's Saloon, and he remembered going in there last night and getting his usual drink. Then he remembered going out on the dance floor and dancing. It was always like that at first his nights coming back in bits and pieces sometimes they didn't come back at all. Those were the times he was really afraid of.

Harry leaned back, thoughtfully staring at the pretty face beside him. He gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and tried to remember the ladies name. It would be very embarrassing if he couldn't remember her name. Despite the fact that he felt no affection for her and even felt a slight sense of loathing he didn't want to be rude. All of his movements had woke her up and she turned to him muttering a sleepy hello. He said hello back and tried to figure out the easiest way to get her out of his apartment. He was spared thinking of a lame excuse when his cell phone suddenly rang.

Harry was trying to think who would be calling him this early and he prayed it wasn't a case then he remembered that he was MIA from work and he realized that a case would be the least of his concerns if this call was work related.

"Hello?" Harry said. The voice on the other end was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it; a woman told him that they would be at his apartment in less than 20 minutes and asked him if he was up to receiving company. Seeing the perfect way to get rid of his unwanted bedmate he said in a loud voice, "Yes that is fine. I will see you in about twenty minutes. Thanks for calling first."

With that he turned to the girl and offered an apology, explaining that an old friend was coming over and she was only in town for a little while. The girl seemed to understand. She said that she had a very nice time and looked forward to seeing him again. As she got dressed, Harry went to the bathroom and quickly handled his morning business. He decided to forgo the shave as he sort of liked the beard. Plus his hands were still a little unsteady and he really didn't want to cut himself shaving. Then the girl came out of the bedroom wearing a blouse and a short skirt. The blouse had a nametag that proclaimed her name to be Amber; Harry silently thanked the god's for small miracles.

"I will give you a call later today if I get a chance, Amber." Harry said. He then proceeded to get her phone number, knowing the chances of him calling her were slimmer than him kissing Snape in the great hall. He let the girl out and locked the door behind her. Harry, on second thought, decided to bring up the wards he had on his apartment, so that he would have the option of turning away this mysterious company that was coming. Reaching out with his hand he brought the standard wards up, he felt they would be enough since he highly doubted this mysterious woman would know the first thing about magic.

Harry decided to make himself a little bit of breakfast before his company showed up. He was in the middle of making an omelet when he heard a banging on his door. He dropped the onion he was slicing and muttered "shit" before looking at the door with a shocked expression on his face that whoever was at the door had managed to get through his privacy wards. That one should have made them stop about 10 feet from the door and announce themselves. He strode to the door, wand in hand, and cautiously stretched his magical sense outside the door. Before he could even take a look he heard a loud insistent voice saying

"HAROLD JAMES POTTER I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT."

He went to the door, drawing down the rest of the wards. There stood his old friend, Hermione Granger, looking very pissed and absolutely McGonagall like with her lips pursed.

Harry Potter stood in the doorway and looked at Hermione standing on his doorstep. The first coherent thought he was able to have was, "how was she able to bypass the wards." It must have showed on his face because Hermione looked at him and laughed.

"After twenty years you would think that you would have changed your general wards, Harry." She smirked at this and then looked at him. "Well are you going to invite me in or not?" she asked.

Harry nodded and moved aside so she could walk into the apartment. He noticed there was a girl standing behind Hermione. She looked familiar however just like the voice on the phone; he could not place where he knew the girl from. Hermione saw him staring and then indicated that the girl was her younger sister, Vivian. "Of course," Harry thought, "the famous Vivian who had been 6 years younger than her sister." He had had not spoken to Vivian in more than 20 years.

Hermione and Vivian both walked into the apartment and looked around, obviously taking in the décor of the place. Hermione first noticed that they were in a room that appeared to be a living room. There was a television in one of the corners. Hermione noticed it was a big screen TV. In the one of the other corners, a computer was set up with what appeared to be all the bells and whistles. There was some assorted furniture that completed the room. Both of the ladies moved to the couch and sat down; Harry sat in what was obviously his favorite seat in the room, a large leather massaging chair.

Harry looked over at Hermione. The look on his face clearly told her that he was not happy to see his old friend. He glared at her and then decided to grab this bull by the horn.

"Hermione what are you doing here? I thought I made it perfectly clear when I left England that I wanted to move on with my life. I left England twenty years ago because I couldn't deal with all the fall out after the final battle. I have made myself a life here and I am happy."

At this declaration Hermione took a good look at Harry and decided he was not happy, in fact he looked as unhappy as she had ever seen him. She decided that the rumors she had heard must be true. It was these rumors that had caused Hermione to track Harry down; she felt that she owed it to him as a friend. She thought carefully before she began to speak.

"Harry I guess it's only fair to tell you the real reason why I am here. I have heard some really disconcerting things about you and your life style and I felt it necessary to come and check on you."

At this Harry looked up at her, the look in his eyes suddenly becoming sharp and wary. The last thing he needed was one of his friends coming out here to play nurse mother to him. He decided to see how much Hermione really did know of his life style.

"So, Hermione, what exactly have you heard about my 'life style?'"

Hermione blanched and decided to be entirely truthful. "I guess it's better if I tell you from the beginning. That way you won't be so confused" She sat back and began to explain.

Hermione sat back in the chair and tried to figure out where to begin. She decided to begin at the beginning, which would have had to of been when she took the job of Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts.

It was a cold and rainy day in England; Hermione Granger got out of the Carriage that had taken her all the way to the front door of Hogwarts. She reflected that it had been at least been eighteen years since she had been in the castle. The last time would have been for the award ceremony after the final battle; she had received The Order of Merlin (first class), along with her husband, Ron.

She remembered the other person who had gotten that very same award that day, Harry Potter. She wondered what had become of him. After the last battle she had thought that he would settle down and live life as a normal wizard…as normal as Harry Potter's life could be. Yet the boy who lived had surprised them all; less than 6 months later he had disappeared. Many people thought he had been killed or kidnapped, but after a while people who had been close to him received mysterious letters letting them know that he was safe and healthy but that he had chosen to leave the Wizarding World for good. Hermione, Ron, Remus Lupin and Dumbledore, among others, decided to respect Harry's wishes and not try to figure out where he had gone. Hermione couldn't help but wonder, however, what had happened to the third member of the "Golden Trio," as the wretched caretaker Argus Filtch had called them.

As if her thoughts had called him, Mr. Filtch stuck his head outside the great door and asked in his common sarcastic tone if she was going to come in or if she was going to decorate the outside of the door all night.

"Yes, Sir, I am coming in," she replied as she strode into the door and walked into the great hall. It was exactly as she remembered it, right down to the candles floating in the air and the enchanted ceiling above now flashing with bright bolts of lightning.

As she crossed the great hall she had to remind herself why she was here. Professor Dumbledore had finally decided to retire, and Professor McGonagall was going to replace him as Head Mistress of the school. She had been invited by Headmistress McGonagall to take over the post of teaching Transfiguration and of being the Head of Gryffindor. When she had gotten the owl with the offer, Hermione had of course written back to tell her that she accepted. She was now here to start teaching, of course the students would not arrive for another two weeks so she had time to get her classes together. Hermione was pretty sure that Professor McGonagall would have things in order anyway.

"Miss Granger, how nice to see you!" Professor McGonagall cried out as she was walking across the floor to great her. She approached one of her all time favorite students and did a very un-McGonagall like thing to do, she gave her a hug. As the two walked together they were talking earnestly about old friends and catching each other up on their respective lives. When they approached the stone gargoyles that guarded the Headmistress's office, Professor McGonagall spoke the password. "Lemon drops," she said with a wistful smile on her face.

"You kept the password the same, Professor?" Hermione asked with a trace of admiration in her voice.

"Yes. I couldn't bear to change it. It seems abnormal to not have Albus in the school," Minerva said as they both took the stairs up to her office. As they stepped out into the corridor they heard voices in the office. Intrigued, Minerva entered first only to see her predecessor, Albus Dumbledore, sitting on a couch holding an animated conversation with five of the portraits in the office. As soon as he heard Minerva enter, Albus rose to his feet and greeted her with a hug.

"Ah, Minerva, I was wondering where you had gone off to." Suddenly, he stopped as he spotted Hermione standing in the doorway looking a little bit surprised at seeing her former Headmaster there.

"Hermione Granger, how wonderful it is to see you. Minerva had informed me that she would be offering you the job of Transfiguration Teacher. I told her that was a wonderful idea, as you scored the highest Transfiguration NEWT score since Minerva herself took the exam.

Hermione blushed a rather bright pink, and Minerva laughed and told Albus to stop embarrassing the poor girl. Albus laughed and gave one of his famous eye twinkling smiles. Then after some small talk, Hermione finally asked one of the questions that had been weighing heavily on her mind for quite a while.

"Excuse me, Sir, but do you know anything about how Harry is doing?" The mood in the room seemed to drop a few degrees. Professor Dumbledore was looking very serious for a change and he seemed to be weighing in his mind what to tell Hermione. Finally he looked up at her, gazing at her over his half moon spectacles.

"Yes, Miss Granger, I do indeed have some information about Harry. As you know, about 18 and a half years ago, I received a letter-the same one that you received-telling me that he was ok and safe but he just wanted to leave his legend behind. I completely understood. How could I not? I watched him grow up and struggle under the burden of being the boy who lived. If you remember, I advised you all not to contact him and to just let him have his peace. I figured after a few years he would seek us out and then all would be well.

After about 5 to 7 years of waiting I decided to make sure he was ok. Using my numerous contacts I discovered he was living in America under a different name. He is a high level police officer, the equivalent of one of our high level aurors. He has not gotten re-married and is reported to be living alone. That is most of all I know. I do know he frequents muggle bars, which worries me but I assume that is not a problem."

Hermione looked over at Professor Dumbledore and knew there was something else that he was not saying. She then proceeded to ask Professor Dumbledore what it was that he was not telling her. He sighed and then spoke.

"I kept tabs on him discreetly of course. Everything was fine he was doing very well for himself as I knew he would. However about 2 and half years ago the reports started to change. At first it was just small things that suggested he might be having a rough patch. I decided not to worry, however about six months ago things took a turn for the worse. The people I spoke to say that it is rumored that Harry is using drugs. At first he was doing it to bust people that were selling the drugs, but now they think he might be doing them himself."

Hermione was shocked and didn't believe it at first, but after listening to Dumbledore explanations and she thought about it she began to understand. She resolved to do something about it as soon as she could. The rest of the evening went quickly with Hermione settling back in to life at the castle.

May of the next year:

Hermione was busy. She taught all the 1-5th year transfiguration students along with her NEWT students. Somehow she managed to find a little time to do some work on finding her old friend, Harry. Dumbledore would not reveal where he was living or the name he had changed to. She had managed to narrow it down to 10 cities and that was where she had been at for awhile. Suddenly she was called away to take care of something in Gryffindor house; the list lay on her desk, forgotten, in the bustle of exam time.

August of the same year:

Hermione had finally narrowed the list down to three different cities: New York City NY, Cleveland Ohio and San Antonio Texas. She had to pay a bloody fortune to get the records of all the cops who were not born in the United States, but she had succeeded. Now she just had to figure out which of the three cities it would be. Her money was on New York City but she could never be sure. Suddenly an owl flew in with her class lists from Headmistress McGonagall, and Hermione had no choice but to begin preparation for the upcoming school year.

December of the same year:

Hermione had finally managed to locate Harry. He was living as Harold Evans in New York City. Hermione found him through a contact of hers in the American Ministry of Magic. She had spoken to his current partner, Jack Briscoe. Playing the part of a concerned friend-which she was-Hermione had managed to get Jack to trust her and give her the information she needed. It turns out that Harry was getting drunk at least twice a week and he had a standing tab at a couple different bars. More concerning to her where the things Jack had told her about the drugs that people thought Harry was using. The only reason he had not been investigated was because he was the best cop they had in that area and it was not affecting his job performance. Yet Jack had hinted that turning a blind eye to his habits would not go on forever.

June of Next Year:

It had been about 7 months since Hermione started talking to Jack Briscoe, and his reports were only getting worse and worse. It seemed now that things were coming to a head and that Harry might be fired even or worse arrested. When Jack offered to help her come out and surprise him to see if she could talk some sense in to him, Hermione jumped at the idea. Hermione used Vivian, her sister, as a tourist cover in America. They ended up in New York City at the house of Harold James Potter (Evans).

The Cleverest Witch in all of England.

Hermione leaned forward and looked at Harry. She honestly feared how he would react because she could tell nothing from his face. The boy who used to wear his heart out on his sleeve had developed into a man who kept his feelings closely guarded. Hermione met his blank stare with a shaky one of her own. She clearly expected his legendary temper to explode. Yet in her eyes was determination; she was not going to let her friend down. It was this determination that had led her here and was keeping her in his apartment.

Harry blinked and finally seemed to react to what Hermione had said. He did not seem upset, more like confused. He finally spoke and it was in a calm rational voice that had a bit of a questioning tone to it.

"Well, Hermione, I am curious as to how you managed to find me. I would not be surprised if Dumbledore found me, but according to your account Dumbledore refused to help you." At this Hermione nodded and made to speak, but Harry raised his hand to indicate that he wasn't finished.

"I know you were the cleverest witch in the entire castle when we were at Hogwarts, but I was pretty sure that I had managed to cover my tracks extremely well. I would like to know how you found me because, Hermione, if you did it then that means other people might do it as well. For all I know you could be the first of many people who will be banging on my door." This last part was said with a tone of extreme annoyance and hinting at a bit of anger.

Hermione flushed at the last statement and nodded, admitting her guilt. She carefully composed the response to his question in her head; she did not want to inform him of her co-conspirators until she was certain that he would not horrifically mad at them and take out his frustrations on them. Finally ready to answer his question she leaned forward and began to speak.

"Once Professor Dumbledore confirmed that you were indeed living in America I had a place to start from. I knew you had left England all those years ago, but I did not know where you had gone. I have a friend of mine who works in the Ministry; she arranges over-seas port keys and apparition points. Once I knew your destination my friend was able to check back to around the time you left. I had over 5,000 wizards who left Britain during the 4 month period I had checked. Luckily most of them were easily confirmed as having business in America and came back to Europe within two weeks. I also scanned the list and found nothing that looked at all like your name. I could only figure that you had used your influence to get registered under an alias to hinder people who might look for you." Hermione paused to give Harry a chance to confirm or deny this; he gave a small nod and then waved his hand signaling for her to continue.

"Once I had narrowed the list down to those people who had either not returned or I couldn't find I was left with about 2,000 names. I gave those names to a few different people I know in the ministry. Some of them were able to identify those who lived in England, and I was able to check out their home addresses and determine that they were most likely not you.

"Then," continued Hermione, "I remembered that Professor Dumbledore mentioned to me that you were a high level policeman. I figured that you would have had to go to college for that. So I searched all the colleges for names that were on the list. I came up empty as only a few names matched and none of them could have been you. I will admit that right then I was ready to give up, but a stroke of fortune occurred. I managed to find out where you had deposited all the muggle money you removed from Gringotts. Even though it was in your false name, I was able to find out that you had your tuition for Duke University taken out of that bank account."

Harry looked over at Hermione his eyes looking shocked that she had been able to find out this much. He decided that he wanted to hear the rest of how she had found him and what else she knew. "Well Hermione I always did say you were clever. What I am curious about now is how you found me after Duke."

Hermione smiled. "That was very difficult. I ended up taking all the male graduates from your class and tried to find them. I managed to locate about 75 percent of them and was able to prove that none of them could possibly be you. The other twenty five percent I was not able to locate. I finally had to resort to paying money to get the files of all them from the university. I finally located all but five of these mystery people. The first two were named Henry Martinez and Jill Capalone-Martinez; they were working in Cleveland, Ohio. The third was named Ronald Boston and was working in San Antonio. Texas. The fourth was also working in San Antonio. Texas and was named Sam Houston. Then finally there was you: Harold Evans working in New York City.

I contacted all the police departments in their respective cities and found out about them. You were the only person who fit the bill. I finally got in touch with your partner, Jack, and that is how I found out all the rumors were true." Hermione finally stopped talking and seemed to sink in to her chair.

Harry refused to meet her eyes. Inside he was scared, so very scared. He knew that he had a problem and he knew that he should sit here and confess to Hermione everything that was going on, but he was too scared to do it. So he decided he would cover the fear with anger. YES, anger. How dare Hermione come in here and barge in to his life after he had managed to shut her out for so long. Deep inside his mind, a quiet voice was telling him that this was Hermione and he should be honest with her, but he managed to shove the voice deep down inside his mind so he would not have to deal with the truth. Harry then glared at Hermione and opened his mouth to speak, to let all the anger out at perhaps the person who was the least deserving of it.

Harry Potter gazed at Hermione, his temper flaring hot as the sun. He tried to gather the words he had to say to drive Hermione off before she could get close to discovering his horrible secret.

"HERMIONE JANE GRANGER I am a GROWN MAN! I can't believe that you would still be enough of a busybody to track me down and speak to my co-workers to spy on me. Did it never occur to you that I had a damn good reason for walking away all those years ago? DID IT?" Hermione made no move to stop Harry's outburst and just sat there, too shocked to do anything else.

"I left because I COULD NOT take it anymore. I was sick and fucking tired of being Harry god damn Potter, the boy who bloody well lived. I was never just Harry Potter; people never let me forget that fact. Even after I defeated Voldemort, the most fucking evil wizard those pathetic people had ever seen, I couldn't live in peace. Even when my beloved Ginny died, right before we were bonded, they couldn't they leave me alone. People talked about how I should have been able to save her. How I was The Boy-Who-Lived couldn't I of saved her. I must not have really loved her if I didn't save her. I read all the articles and news reports. I saw the filthy reporters at her funeral.

Oh and then came the fan-girls can't forget those sick vultures. I had tons and tons of FUCKING marriage proposals, like I was some animal that could just move from one female to another. It NEVER occurred to them that I was a living breathing man who had FEELINGS and was grieving for the loss of his fiancé. I finally had to leave the ENTIRE Wizarding world behind to get my peace and quiet. I had to leave everyone I knew and loved before I went insane."

Harry paused to take a breath, the pain etched clearly on his smooth and blank face. His breath was coming in quick short gasps, and he looked like he was trying to force himself not to cry. Hermione on the other hand looked completely shocked; nothing could have prepared her for this emotional explosion from her friend. She had to remind herself to stay calm and not run over and hug him as that would be the absolute wrong thing to do.

"So, yes, I finally left. For over 20 years I have been alone, and now you come in and disturb my perfect orderly life. Why, Hermione? Why must you dredge up memories of the past that I have worked so hard to forget?" As he said these words, his eyes filled up with tears and he felt them trickle down on to his cheeks. Hermione looked at him with something akin to horror as she realized the pain she had caused. She got up for the first time and gave him a brief hug.

"Harry, I am so sorry. I never meant to bring back such painful memories. I realize now it was a mistake for me to come. Just don't forget: if you ever need someone I'm just an owl or a portkey away." With that said Hermione turned around, grabbing her sister's hand, and walked out the door.

AN2: Ok and here we come to the end of the new and improved chapter one lol. One thing that someone pointed out for me is the difference in chapter three and four. I did that because I wanted to show how much time Hermione spent working on Harry. I thought that just ending it after the meeting w/Dumbledore and McGonagall was just too abrupt. Next chapter we will have Harry's reaction to Hermione's visit and the introduction of a very important OC. It should be up sometime today.


	2. You can do what…

Title: The past catches up with us all.

Main Character: Harry Potter

Summary: It has been 20 years since the final battle, and the years have not been kind to Harry Potter. He has left behind the past that haunts him, or at least tried to. In this story you will find out that you can hide from your demons but never really escape them.

AN: Ok folks this chapter has been a long time in the works. I wish I could blame some really big event for the delay but basically I have been having major problems writing this chapter. I must have gone through 20 to 30 different ideas before finally settling on one I like. After this chapter and maybe one or two more the story will continue in the present time.

Chapter 10: You can do what…..

"It all started on my eleventh birthday…" That is what Harry said when he finally decided to tell Katherine the truth about his life. Yet he realized that was not the beginning and it would make more sense if he just came out and told her that he could do magic. So ,Harry mentally summoned his wand from his holster in the small of his back and kept it up his sleeve.

"Katherine before I explain to you about what happened on my eleventh birthday I thinks there is something you need to know about me. On my birthday I found out that I'm a wizard and in the words of a very dear friend." This declaration was said in a normal voice and without any real emotio, almost as if he was telling her that he had found out he had brown hair or blue eyes.

Katherine Dewitt was completely shocked by the admission this stranger named Harry Evans had just made. He was a wizard? There must be a joke somewhere, yes that's it, Harry was having some fun with her. Everyone knows there are no such things as wizard's... right? She decided that he was either have a big laugh at her expense. which was very rude, and inconsiderate, or that she had simply misheard him. She decided to clear up the matter at once.

"Did I hear you correctly? Did you just say that you're a wizard?" She asked in a tone that she hoped was somewhat bordering on normal. Harry just nodded already expecting this question and figuring that he would have to give her some time to get used to the idea. It is rather shocking to be told that you are talking to a wizard after all.

At Harry's nod Katherine just simply sat there looking stunned and in complete, and utter shock. She decided that Harry had to be messing with her setting her up for some big joke. Her mind just could not any would not accept the fact that this man might actually be a wizard. I mean everyone knows that magic is just for little kids and those responsible rational adults do not believe in magic.

"You're a wiz-wiz-wizard? With the pointy blue hat and a magic word and mag-magi-magic?" She managed to stumble out. It was clear that her brain was working on overdrive and failing to adequately process all the strange information that was coming in.

Harry gently took her hand and patted it reassuringly. He knew that it was a lot to process and he was willing to give her time. He poured her a glass of whiskey and handed it to her. She drank it down in a single gulp and her hands stopped shaking and she looked a little bit more with it.

Harry was shaking as well but his shaking was on the inside. He was terrified of what he was going to tell her. He had known her for only one night and yet he was already afraid of her judging and rejecting him. How would she react to some of the horrors of his past? Would she think him a killer just as he sometimes thought himself one? How would she react knowing that he had led people to their deaths? He shuddered at the dark thoughts that started running through his mind. ONE THING AT A TIME he angrily told his inner voice. He decided then and there that he would tell her little things and see how she reacted. He could always oblivate her if she reacted too badly. One of the nice things about that training Moody gave him, he thought with a smile. He was startled out of his musings by a question from Katherine. He mentally kicked himself in the head for not paying more attention. At the height if the war he would have never been caught in a strange situation without at least part of his mind on the people in the room he must really be slipping. "Could you repeat that please Katherine, I am afraid I was day dreaming and didn't hear your question" Harry said with a small smile playing on his lips.

"Sure Harry, no problem. I said that if you are a wizard then where is your magic wand or staff or whatever piece of tom foolery you use to cast your 'magic'?" She asked with a slight mocking tone to her voice. Harry of course noticed the mocking tone and was upset that it was there. He did not like it when people mocked him, it reminded him of Bellatrix Lestrange and that was not a good thought so he decided to demonstrate some of his powers for Katherine.

He closed his eyes and took a deep cleansing breathe and then with a final mental check he silently _accioed_ his wand into his hand and then pointed it at some plates and said "_Maximus Engorgio_" and the plates were ten times there original size. He levitated them up into the air with a modified _Wingardum Leviosa_ that didn't require him to keep his wand on them. Then he cast a spell that he had learned in Auror Training that turned the plates into flying targets. It was a very simple spell and he waved his wand to encompass all ten plates and he said _Flightius Targotus_ and the plates took off zooming around the room becoming flying targets.

He quickly thought of turning them into shooting targets but didn't know what they would do if they came into contact with alcohol. So he settled for quickly flipping his cloak back and going through a modified version of this training exercise. The plates were not shooting at him but he was running around with his wand out throwing various hexes at them. He decided to show off a little bit and seeing to plates that were almost perpendicular he jumped up on the bar facing one and blasted it with a well placed reducto curse and then pointed his hand at the other one and cast a wand less blasting curse.

He looked around the room and noticed that he had managed to take out all the targets. He then found Katherine sitting at the table looking not unlike a deer caught in the headlights of a huge truck. He turned to look at her smirking and said,

"Well I hope that is sufficient proof to demonstrate that I can indeed do magic" he said with a slight mocking tone. Yet he was not angry, he didn't blame her for doubting him a little bit. He was just glad he got off so easily.

At least he didn't have to pull a bloody rabbit out of a stupid hat something the muggle magicians did all the damn time. He never could understand that anyway. Why were muggles obsessed with that trick? It wasn't like any decent wizard would be doing that for any reason. He remembered the time in McGonagall's transfiguration class when a muggle student had asked her if she could pull a rabbit out of a hat. He never knew her lips could get that thin, they looked like a white straight line.

Harry was once again interrupted from his musings by Katherine. He really must stop getting lost in his thoughts. It must be the alcohol that was having this affect on him, or maybe it was the fact that he finally going to discuss his past with someone who didn't know him as The-Boy-Who-Fucking-Lived and knew him as Harry Pot… no make that Harry Evans, he silently reminded himself. He turned to Katherine and gave her his full attention as she was repeatedly calling his name. He decided that he would focus on her form now on.

"Harry… Harry… earth to Harry come in Harry" Katherine had been going on in that vain for a few minutes. She could see that he was obviously lost in his thoughts once again. Well no matter, she could consider what she had just witnessed. In her eyes she had seen Harry point some sort of stick at plates and then they suddenly became humongous. Kind of like a reverse of what happened to those kids in Hunny I Shrunk The Kids. Then they had risen into the air and started flying around. She had heard Harry say some sort of gibberish sounded a bit like Latin actually.

She didn't know why she was even bothering herself with this nonsense. Her curiosity for him was immense; something deep inside her told her to figure out his puzzle. Somehow, she knew she had the key to his soul. She just had to do some digging. It was obvious Harry needed her help, his mind was always troubled. She could see it in his eyes, there were many things lurking in his past that put deadweight on his heart. She poured two more shots of whiskey and asked him to sit down. "So, since you're a wizard, why are you here? I mean, shouldn't you be with the people of your kind?" She eyed him curiously.

"There's too many reminders of my past there in the magical realm. Sometimes, I just want to be normal, and not have to worry about my past coming back to haunt me. I'm… I guess you could say.. prone to danger." He shot back at her, as if annoyed she was asking the question.

"Well, you're not dead. You evidently survived your adventures."

"Yes, but when others aren't so lucky, people begin to think you're the one to blame. Just because I had the luck and the knack to survive doesn't mean it's my fault…" His eyes turned glassy and his voice trailed off, as if his mind was programmed to withhold this information. She could tell he was reliving some horrid memory.

Suddenly, she felt bad for being persistent. She patted his hand and told him she was sorry for asking. He looked at her with a hint of disbelief on his face. She could tell that it had been a while since anyone had touched him in a caring way. "Something horrible has happened to this man" she thought "Perhaps with some affection.. and… a little time , I can get him to open up to me". Katherine leaned back in her chair and looked off into the corner of the room, contemplating her plan of action. Yet before she could implement any plan of action he began to talk. It was as if her small acts of affection had opened some damn that was within this mysterious man.

Harry leaned back and then decided to tell her everything he could.

"What I told you at first was the truth my parents were killed when I was very young by a mad man. His name was Tom Marvolo Riddle, but he called himself Lord Voldermort. He was a dark wizard who was trying to take over the wizarding world. Now this was many years ago back in the mid to late 1970's. A prophecy was made about the one who would have the power to defeat him and he heard part of it and basically misunderstood it so he ended up attacking me when I was a just a lil babe"

Katherine couldn't help but let out a sound of mild distaste at the idea of anyone attacking a poor helpless child.

Harry made a motion with her hand and silently told her to let him finish his story, he continued.

"Then I was sent to live with my only living relatives my mother's sister Petunia Dursley who hated magic and hated what I represented. Suffice it to say that I was treated worse then dog crap and I wa.. was" At this moment Harry's voice failed him and he looked as if he might faint. Katherine ran over to stable him, and Harry stopped her with a single look. He took out his wand and cast a different version of the leglimi spell and allowed her to see his memories from growing up with the Dursley's.

Memories of Harry being abused rushed into her mind and she saw everything that this poor boy had to go through. After what seemed like an eternity to her the memories finally ended and Harry gave her one poignant look before collapsing to the floor and curling up in a ball and weeping.

END CHAPTER TEN

An2: Ok people I am going to apologize a million times for how late this is. Thing just have not been going well. My original beta has found a job so she is really busy so my other friend Katie is going to be helping me out now. This chapter is basically him introducing her to the fact he can do magic and some basic info. Next chapter will be the really important background and some information on those mysterious memories you saw earlier.


	3. A trip down PivetMemory drive

Title: The past catches up with us all.

Main Character: Harry Potter

Summary: It has been 20 years since the final battle, and the years have not been kind to Harry Potter. He has left behind the past that haunts him, or at least tried to. In this story you will find out that you can hide from your demons but never really escape them.

AN: This chapter is going to be very disturbing and I warn you that it will contain images of child abuse and really strong adult subjects. I will put a big break like 3 or 4 lines so you can tell when the bad stuff stops. It's not necessary for you to read the stuff but it might help you understand some stuff about Harry. On the time between postings I am going to try my best to never let it go that long again. I was having some creative challenges and decided to let my beta/co-author Kris finish the chapter. Well real life or RL as we like to call it reared its busy impatient head and said that she wouldn't have time to do it. So I am letting my friend and oddly enough Kris's Sister Katie helps me as well since Kris is so busy with RL. I am hopefully going for 1-2 chapters per week maybe more depending on how my muse acts. One more note on this chapter. The first part is all being relived from Harry's memories. After he showed Katherine them he is forcing himself to relive them as well. There is some commentary in them think of them as sort of an added note on the story like a voice-over

Ok enough of my blabbering on with the chapter.

Chapter Eleven: A trip down Pivet/Memory drive.

Harry had shown her the worst memories of his life well some of them at least. The fact that some of them were also the earliest memories of his life was pretty damn pathetic. He had to show them to her for some reason and while showing them to her he knew he would be reliving them himself. He stopped the spell so that he would not accidentally hurt her mind and then gave her a glance that imparted the sacrifice he had performed for her he collapsed on to the ground under the weight of the memories he was forcing himself to relive. He laid on the floor curled up in the fetal position and he cried his eyes out.

Memories:

Harry is only Four years old and its lunch time. He is very hungry and so he grabs a cookie off a plate that was meant for his cousin Dudley. Dudley sees him and he starts crying his head off about how Harry is stealing all his cookies even though Harry only took the smallest cookie. Aunt Petunia was drawn by the ruckus and when she found out what happened she smacked Harry's hand and then proceed to give him a thorough whipping then through him in the cupboard under the stairs without food or water for 2 whole days.

Harry is now a little bit older and Dudley has a tricycle that Harry desperately wants to ride. However he knows that if he even so much as touches it while Dudley is using it or when Dudley is around he will be viciously beaten. He was reminded of that lesson just the other day when he had taken a small broken crayon from the huge container of crayons that Dudley had. His Aunt had found out and she had once again beaten him this time his uncle had found out as well and he laid into Harry with his meaty fists. Sadly this was not the first time that his Uncle Vernon had hit him with his hands or even his fists. The first time Vernon ever hit Harry with just his hand had been almost 8 months ago when he had accidentally spilled some milk on Vernon's morning paper. Vernon had yelled "You careless little freak I have told you to be careful with your milk" Then he back handed Harry across the face with his open palm.

The first time his brutish uncle Vernon Dursley had ever hit Harry with a closed fist was a few short weeks after the milk incident. One of four year old Harry's many tasks during the day was to pick up any toy's that Dudley had played with and to return them to Dudley's room. It was of course understood that Harry was to spend as little time as possible in Dudley's room and was to touch nothing in there. Yet Harry being a typical curious and fun loving four year old wanted to play with a toy dinosaur that Dudley had half squashed. Vernon caught him sitting on the carpet in Dudley's room playing with the toy. Vernon decided to teach Harry a lesson and he beat him black and blue with his gigantic fists. Vernon left bruises that took a month to finally fade.

Sadly these instances were not rare fits of temper but rather the normal things. Let us look now at a few more memories of a slightly older Harry.

Harry was hurrying through the house trying to get to the front door so he could help his aunt with the groceries. He managed to reach the door before she opened it but he was in such a hurry to open the locked door that it just suddenly sprang open as if by magic. Petunia was leaning on the door with the key in the lock and when it sprang open she fell forward landing on her face. Harry being 6 or 7 now knew better then to laugh at his aunt. His uncle was following and had seen the whole thing and he stormed up to Harry his huge face blotchy and a vivid shade of reddish purple.

"What is the meaning of this BOY you better explain yourself right now. Why did you open the door and make your aunt fall on her face. BOY I WANT AN EXPLINATION NOW!" Vernon bellowed balling up a fist.

Harry being an honest boy answered the best he could. "I don't know Uncle Vernon I was just getting ready to unlock the door and it sprang open like magic or something" Oh know he had done it this time he had used the forbidden word.

"WHAT HAVE WE TOLD YOU BOY THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC" Vernon bellowed even louder then before and this time he beat Harry so severely that he not only gave him two black eyes but he also came within inches of breaking his arm. Then he threw him in the small closet without food for a whole seven days.

This was the pattern on Pivot Drive until one faithful week when Harry turned eleven…

The memories finally stopped or Harry blanked out he did not know which. All he knew is that the images in his mind had stopped and he felt someone softly stroking his forehead with a soft gentle hand and murming words of comfort. For a moment he thought he was back in the Burrow or Grimwauld Place and Molly Weasley was comforting him after another one of his numerous nightmares. He smiled at the memories of her and softly murmured "thank you Mrs. Weasley".

Once Katherine had seen Harry go down to the floor she had immediately knelt beside him and tried to calm him down. Once it was obvious whatever internal trauma he was forcing himself to relive were over she softly ran her hand over his brow the same way her dad had done to her when she had had a terrifying nightmare. Suddenly Harry said something and she leaned close to hear what he had said. It sounded like Thank you Mrs. Weasley. She wondered who this mysterious Mrs. Weasley was. It certainly didn't sound like his Aunt and plus he had indicated her last name was Dursley.

Whoever she was it was obvious that she had at sometime in the past soothed Harry when something bad had happened and for that she was grateful.

Kat kept stroking his forehead and telling him everything was alright. His eyes suddenly focused on her and he blinked a few times as if trying to reconcile what he was seeing with what he had expected to see. He shook his head and then rubbed at his eyes to get rid of the last remaining tear drops.

Harry was floating in his own mind, trapped in a pit of dark images and memories. It was almost like being back in the presence of a demontor but this time he was reliving memories from his time with the Dursleys. He suddenly heard a voice that sounded like Molly Weasley comforting him. He smiled and the memories eased and he was able to open his eyes. He expected to see the motherly face of red haired Molly Weasley but instead he saw a face with greenish brownish eyes and black hair. He blinked a few times to clear his vision and the face stayed the same. Suddenly he remembered where he was and who he was with. He instantly felt the blood rushing to his face making him break out in a blush as he come to realize that he had broke down in front of this beautiful girl who he had known for just this evening.

AN2: Ok folks this is probably going to be the first of many violent chapters. This story has the highest rating for a reason. Next chapter will be a full explanation of what happened 1-5 year and MAYBE summer after 5th year. I am debating whether or not to wait for the 6th book or make up my own summer at the 5th year. I will probably just make it up. So that means you will have a new chapter by Friday Saturday morning. Thanks for bearing with me folks.


	4. Chapter 12

Title: The past catches up with us all.

Main Character: Harry Potter

Summary: It has been 20 years since the final battle, and the years have not been kind to Harry Potter. He has left behind the past that haunts him, or at least tried to. In this story you will find out that you can hide from your demons but never really escape them.

AN1: I always feel like I am apologizing in these lol. I am really sorry about the delay in this story. The truth of the matter is that I was struggling with it and considering discontinuing it but I finally think I have the direction I want to go in. I realize that I have a ton of chapters that are setting up this story and for that I am sorry. In my mind I see maybe 3-4 more chapters then a huge jump in time. This chapter is going to be explaining EVERYTHING that has happened to Harry from 1st year till 5th year. Ok another important point my 6th year is going to be very different from cannon. I did NOT like the 6th year in HBP but I won't get into a lot of detail. I might try my hand at a 6th year fic in the future. Ok now on with the story.

Chapter Twelve: The life and times of Harry Potter better known as The-Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry was sitting on the floor in a fetal position and Katherine was telling him it was alright and he had nothing to be embarrassed about.

"Harry you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were reliving some very traumatic moments and its fine if that makes you cry. I am curious to know who this Mrs. Wealsey is you called me" She asked hoping to get his mind off of his embarrassment. It apparently worked for Harry looked up at her for the first time in a few minutes and managed to crack a very small thin smile.

"Mrs. Wealsey was the mother of my best friend Ron Weasley and my fia I mean friend Ginny Weasley. She had seven children Bill who was her eldest Charlie, Percy, the twins Fred and George then Ron and finally Ginny." Suddenly Harry stopped talking as the memories of the Weasley's over came him. Especially the one who had given his life for him when he freed from that hellish place. He realized that he had to stop this and that also he was telling the story the wrong way. So he finally made up his mind that he was going to tell Katherine everything that had happened to him until he couldn't talk anymore.

Katherine noticed that after he had mentioned the Weasley's his face had clouded over with pain. They must have been very dear to him she thought. She gave him a few minutes to collect himself and was about to ask him to continue when he spoke.

"Katherine I guess it's time for you to hear my story from start to finish. You already know that I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle because my Parents were killed by Voldermort because of a prophecy that was made. What you don't know is that I have faced Voldermort several times during my schooling. I will tell you of all those times but first I will tell you of how I met my two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. First I will tell you the story of how I found out I was a wizard." So then Harry told her about getting the mysterious letter delivered to him at the Dursley's house. Then how his Uncle tried to stop him from reading it. Finally leading up to the mad drive around England and the landing on that small light house where he officially became eleven years old. Then he told her about Hagrid and finding out he was a wizard. His face became so animated when he spoke of Hagrid it was clear that Harry thought the world of this person. Then he went on to describe Diagon Alley and his amusement at the first sight of it.

(Ok look I could continue on describing everything but it would get pretty boring I am going to hit on how he meets Ron and then how he befriends Hermione. Then I am going to just say he explains what happened with the soccer's stone. I will be doing that for most of the first four books. I will go into detail about what happens at the end of book five)

He then told her about how he met Ron going through the wall to platform 9 and ¾ and how he become Harry's first friend his own age. Katherine could obviously tell that this Ron person was someone who meant a lot to Harry. As he was talking about Ron he kept fingering a spot on his shoulder. Kat could faintly make out some sort of tattoo. She assumed it had something to do with Ron. Harry then explained how at first Hermione had been this horrible bossy know it all girl but then on Halloween he and Ron had helped her escape from a troll and they had been the best of friends since then.

Harry spent another several minutes on things that had happened his first year and then he explained how Ron, Hermione and himself had discovered the Soccer's stone and ended up saving it. Also how this was the first time Harry had come face to face with the spirit of Lord Voldermort. After that he explained second year and then third year.

Harry kept on talking until he mentioned Remus Lupin. It was painfully clear to Kat how much this man meant to him. Harry explained to her exactly who Remus was though he hadn't learned all of it in the third year. He explained who the Marauders were. Finally the time had come to mention Sirius Black.

Harry felt his throat choke up when he thought of Sirius. It had been oh so many years since that fateful June night in the Department of Mysteries but yet the memory of his God Father still brought tears to his eyes. In his heart of hearts he realized that he had never truly come to terms with his God Fathers death. He decided for the moment he would just tell the stuff he knew in third year and then he would deal with fifth year when he got to it.

Katherine had noticed that right after Harry had mentioned this Sirius Black fellow that Harry had taken a very long pause. She could tell that he was fighting back tears and she began to realize that this man had been taught that not only do men not cry that it was wrong to cry. She took his hand in hers and just held it confident that Harry would continue his story when he was ready.

Harry felt her hand in his and it helped calm him down. He then continued with his tale, explaining how everyone thought that Sirius was an escaped killer from Azkaban the wizarding prison. She asked him who he was supposed to of killed and Harry's face got a horrible look on it. He then very slowly and in a watery voice explained what had happened on the night that his parents had died.

((This is one of the few events I am going to give detail on. I feel that this is a huge event in Harry's life.))

"Ok I mentioned a prophecy about the one who could defeat the dark lord. The full prophecy is as follows. "THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD APPROCHES… BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM, BORN AS THE SEVENTH MOTNH DIES…AND THE DARK LORD WILL MAKR HIM AS HIS EQUAL, BUT HE WILL HAVE POWER THE DARK LORD KNOWS NOT… AND EITHER MUST DIE AT THE HAND OF THE OTHER FOR NEITHER CAN LIVE WHILE THE OTHER SURVIVES…. THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD WILL BE BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES…"

Katherine paused as she took all that information in, and then she realized Harry had continued to talk.

"My headmaster Albus Dumbledore heard that prophecy and so did one of the followers of Lord Voldermort. Yet luck was with the side of the light because the follower only heard the first two lines before he was thrown out. There were two families who that prophecy could apply to and they both went in to hiding. My parents were advised to hide with the Fidelius charm which enables a house to be hidden and only the secret keeper can inform people where the house is. At first Albus Dumbledore wanted to be the secret keeper but my father, James Potter wanted his best friend in the entire world to be it. His name was… Sirius Black. Towards the final days of my parents lives they decided to switch secret keepers to a less obvious target. There were three people my father trusted with is life and as you know those were the marauders. So they decided to use the least likely one of them, little Peter Pettigrew."

At the very mention of this traitors name Harry's temper rose to the surface and caused all of the glass stuff in the roof to vibrate and to start to shake. Katherine looked very alarmed at what was happening and as soon as Harry realized what his temped was doing he calmed down. He then apologized and explained that when he gets upset things like that happened. He then explained why he got upset.

"Now what they did not know was Pete was already in league with Voldermort and had arranged to betray them. He lead Voldermort to their house on Halloween night and then it… it... happened. He killed my parents and then tried to kill me but my mothers love saved me." As Harry finished that very difficult paragraph he had tears rolling down his face. Katherine moved to hug him but he raised his hand to stop her. That is not all that happened he said.

"Sirius had gotten suspicious of Peter and decided to go check on him when he couldn't find him he feared the worst and he headed to my parents house immediately. When he got there he realized he was too late and that they were dead. He realized Peter had betrayed them all and he was going to kill them immediately but then he heard my crying inside the ruble and he pulled me out. Once Hagrid had showed up and taken me to Professor Dumbledore Sirius went after Peter. He found him and confronted him and told him he knew what he had done to Lilly and James. He was about to kill him when Peter blew up the street and managed to escape. Sirius was sentenced to jail for killing Peter and Lilly and James. No one knew that Lilly and James had switched secret keepers not even Remus. So when Sirius realized Peter was alive he escaped".

He continued to relate the events of third year and the fourth year, pausing only when he got to the murder of Cedric Diggory. He then showed her the scar where the blood was taken to allow Voldermort his new body.

He than began discussing the fifth year all the time realizing he was drawing closer and closer to the night of Sirius's murder. He realized that he was not to blame but he couldn't help but fear that Katherine might somehow hold him accountably for his death. He told her of Umbrige and how Hermione had come up with the idea for the D.A and the subsequent flight of the Headmaster.

He then finally came to that day when he saw Sirius in the Department of Mysteries. He led her up to the confrontation in the Hall of Prophecies. Then he described the harrowing escape into the Veil room. In his minds eye he was experiencing the fight all over again. He was gripping his wand and mouthing the spells he had used. He saw and heard Bellatrix Lestrange demanding the prophecy from Neville and how Neville had refused to give it up even when he had been put under the cruitus curse. Then he felt the joy as Sirius, Moody, Lupin, Kingsley and Tonks rushed in. He remembered the dueling and how he had saved Sirius from Dolohov's curse. Finally came the moment he was dreading Sirius falling through the veil.

Katherine just sat there in shock as she listened to the end of the tale. How young Harry had chased his God Father's killer and how he had then been possessed by Voldermort and finally the fight with Dumbledore. She was amazed at the amount of character this man had possessed at such a young age. She honestly wondered if she was in the same position how she would have held up. Then she realized that Harry was staring at her, looking like he was waiting for judgment. That's when it hit her that he was waiting for judgment. Obviously a part of him still held himself responsible for that man's death. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him

"Harry this was not your fault. From what you of told me wild horses couldn't of stopped Sirius from coning to your rescue if you were in danger. You would have done the same. As for blaming yourself for not checking more diligently anyone can Monday morning quarterback. A real man can stand on his decision and know in his heart that he did the right thing and that is exactly what you did.

Harry heard her words and somehow knew they were true and he accepted them. He looked at her and realized that for the first time someone who hadn't known him then had accepted what he did. He then paused and leaned back and stretched. He then looked at his watch and was shocked to discover that almost five hours had passed since he had started talking. He wondered how long the rest of the story would take. Oh and more importantly if she could forgive the rest of his sins. The ones that made the mistake with Sirius look like a god blessed miracle.

AN2: Ok folks I am pretty sure this is my longest chapter to date. All I can say is I was really inspired for this one. I am going to try and keep up a reasonable pace of work output. Next chapter is going to be some of my 6th year and some of what drove Harry out. Hope yall like it.

---carson


	5. More memories and a brief visit to Pott

Title: The past catches up with us all.

Main Character: Harry Potter

Summary: It has been 20 years since the final battle, and the years have not been kind to Harry Potter. He has left behind the past that haunts him, or at least tried to. In this story you will find out that you can hide from your demons but never really escape them.

AN: I am sure people thought I decided to abandon this story. Well in a way I did, but I am back in the saddle now. I am one of those odd people who have periods where they simply cannot write. Well I am over that now.

This chapter is going to talk about a couple of things. Mainly this is one of the last "information" chapters and next chapter we will get to see some action. I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes I sent this chapter to a friend of mine to beta and never got it back… So on with the story.

Harry blinked and stretched, he was sitting in this chair the same chair he had been in for the past five hours. It hit him that for the past five hours he had been pouring out his sorry tale to someone who was practically a stranger. This seemed so absurd to be almost comical. A person who had kept everyone at an arms length who had told no one his inner feelings suddenly pouring them out to a stranger. He let out a small laugh that wasn't really a laugh but more of a bark. He had no idea why he was telling this woman all of these things only that it felt like it was the right thing to do. He had this instinct that he could trust her and that for some reason it was important she know the truth about him. He looked at her and realized for the first time that she had been staring at him for awhile. He figured out she was waiting for him to respond to her comment. He took a deep breath and then just spoke from the heart.

'I realize that what you say is the truth and that I am not to blame for the death of my Godfather. Yet it is hard for me to just accept that I am blameless. Even if I do accept that I have made far worse mistakes in my life. Yes far worse mistakes that even God himself could not forgive me for" This last part was delivered in a low voice almost a whisper. He had not meant that last part to come out he would just hope that she had not heard it.

Katherine was watching this mysterious enigma of a man named Harold Evans who had dropped into her life like a package from the sky. She had no idea exactly what it was that fascinated her about him. It was a combination of things she supposed. He seemed a lot like her father. He was strong and brave he seemed the type of man who stood up for what was right. It was also horribly obvious that this man was lost. Somewhere in his struggles he had lost his path. In that he also reminded her of her father. For he to had lost his path and had found another one. Yet the truth of the matter is most likely that she was attracted to him because he needed fixing and she was a lady who loved to help fix people.

She pondered what he had said about his mistakes so grievous that God could not forgive them. She simply did not believe this was true. Oh no she did not think that this man was lying she simply thought he was mistaken. That these sins were either not that severe or something he was carrying the guilt of that he had no control over.

Harry seemed to be one of those people who had an over developed sense of duty and that was not always a bad thing but you could take it too far. Suddenly she decided that no matter what horrors Harry had seen or no matter what deeds he tried to take the blame for she would not let him. She also decided in that moment that she was going to tell him that no matter what secret burdens he harbored that it would not change her image of him.

"Harry I don't care whatever sins you believe you have committed or allowed. I also don't care whatever atrocities that you have been forced to witness. You are not an evil person and I can not believe you would willingly do anything horrible or let anything horrible happen if you could stop it."

Harry heard her words and even processed them but yet his guilt would not allow him to accept them as true. He thought that there is no way that I am not responsible for all the hurt and pain that has been caused because of me. She doesn't know the horrible atrocities that have happened to people because they either befriended me or defended me. She didn't have to remember all the people who had been tortured, or the people who had been hurt.

He closed his eyes and remembered scenes from his early life and all the people who had been hurt because of him. Ron in the first year being knocked unconscious, Hermione being petrified in the 2nd year because he hadn't figured things out sooner. He continued this way through all his years until he got to his 6th year. He remembered Ginny lying in the corridor… His memory abruptly shut down with an almost audible crash as his mental barriers prevented him from remembering that moment it was simply too painful.

He ran his fingers over the scars on his arm another thing she didn't know about him. There were so many horrible secrets he had to keep inside of him. He was so tired of hiding who he was and what had happened to him. Yet he was certain if he told her that she would condemn him the same way he had condemned himself for all these years. He thought angrily what right does she have to say that I am not evil that I have not done serious wrong. She has no idea what has happened in my life, she doesn't have the memories of the people being tortured because I lead them somewhere that was a trap. She doesn't have to live with the guilt of a young man being dead because I insisted that he take the trophy as well as my self.

That is when the little voice in his head spoke up and said. "You are right she doesn't know all the stuff you have done and she better not. Or she would cast you aide like you were the scum of the earth. No better then that junior death eater Draco Malfoy worse even because he didn't hide what he was. He doesn't hide behind a mantel of Gryffindor courage like you do. That's right or have you forgotten that the sorting hat wanted to put you in to Syltherian all those many years ago. Maybe it was right and you do belong in Syltherian because you certainly are acting like one. Pretending to be this great cop and honest guy, you are nothing but a big fraud that voice said. Harry finally decided to shut that voice up for once and for all. He was going to show her everything.

Katherine was watching Harry intently it was obvious from the emotions playing on his face that he was having some kind of internal debate with himself. She wanted to say something to tell him it was alright that she would understand but she knew that this was something he would have to work out in his own mind first.

He appeared to make a decision and she saw him gathering his strength. She waited patiently letting him take his own time to work through this problem. Then suddenly he yanked the sleeves of his shirt up and exposed rows of scars, the kind that were self afflicted Katherine realized. It was a testimony to her composure that she did not visibly react. She just kept looking at him hoping that he knew that this did not mean a thing.

Harry looked at her shocked that she had not reacted. Didn't she realize what these were the proofs of his cowardly behavior? Did she not care that this made him horribly and disfigured. He started to rant at her. "Don't you realize what these are? These are the markers of the past I cannot escape that I cannot run from. These are the permanent memories of what I have done. You don't have the slightest clue what I have done. You didn't get captured because of a stupid mistake. You didn't make the mistake of staying in a place to try and learn things and then see your friends launch a suicidal rescue mission because they THINK YOU ARE A PRISONER. They never realized that I could have left anytime I wanted. You never cradled a dying person who was like a member of your own family and know that YOU killed them. You have never had to wake up to the memories of the feeling of their blood running down your hands. Oh and finally you have never had your fiancé murdered before your very eyes when you thought it was all over. When you thought it was finally safe to have your OWN damn life your past comes back to haunt you. When that has happened to you then you can tell me that I am not guilty." He finished the tirade in a voice barely louder then a whisper and he was emotionally spent.

Katherine sat there and listened to it in total silence. She had no idea that this young man had so much pain inside him and she could see it plainly on his face. She yearned to rush to him and take him in to her arms. Then when he finished she couldn't hold herself back anymore and she rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him before he could even think of objecting. She wrapped her arms around him as tight as she could and crushed her body against his. All she knew is that he had suffered so much pain and hardship that she wanted to ease his grief.

Harry felt her arms around him and realized that he hadn't been hugged like this in a long time. It was the fierce crushing embrace reminiscent of Hermione Granger or Molly Weasley. Then suddenly it was as if the dams around his emotions suddenly just broke. He started sobbing uncontrollably; he couldn't have stopped for all the gallons in the world. He cried for all the pain he had experienced and everything that had gone wrong with his life. Finally he managed to cry himself out and she was still holding him. It suddenly penetrated his mind that maybe this girl could and even would accept him. He decided right then to tell her everything to bare his entire school to her. So he started his tale in the summer after 5th year.

"I was so miserable when I went to the Dursley's that summer. I wanted nothing more then to just stop feeling. Everything was hurting me so much that I could not cope with it. The Dursleys were scared of the Wizards who had threatened them so they made sure I ate and wrote a letter to the Order at least once every three days. They didn't want any "freaks" showing up in their perfect little neighborhood. During the day I just sat in my room and went over what had happened at the Department of Mysteries.

When I finally managed to fall asleep my dreams were haunted by images of Sirius falling through the veil. In some of them Sirius blamed me and told me how disappointed he was that I had made it necessary for him to come out of hiding.

Or how I didn't manage to save him or even really try to save him and how James my father would be ashamed of me and I am not worthy of being the son of a Marauder. Then there were the dreams about Lord Voldermort and his followers attacking random muggle villages and killing people. The worst nights were where I had both of those dreams.

Then I managed to get out of there only because my friends came to rescue me. It was decided I would not go back to Grimwauld place because that house would remind me to much of Sirius so we went to Potter Island, which is an Island that my family has owned for generations. I managed to start on my road to recovery when I realized that me going insane or losing my will to live was exactly what Lord Voldermort wanted. So I begin training both physically and magically. It was a grueling training schedule but I had decided that I wanted to improve as much as I possibly could.

When Hogwarts started I decided that I was going to train myself and other people as much as in physically possible. Hermione, Ron and I decided to start the DA up again so we could train all the students who wanted to train. Well between the DA and my own personal training I was working harder then ever. Just like the previous summer where I was burying myself in memories to avoid dealing with the pain this time I was burying myself in work. I probably would have kept working until I became very sick if a very important event hadn't occurred.

This event was complicated and would have repercussions for the foreseeable future; because of the dangerous nature of my life I had not really dated anyone. Oh and after Cho I had pretty much given up on girls. Until I noticed my best friend Ron's sister Ginny. Now I had known that Ginny had had a crush on me back when she started at Hogwarts but I figured it fizzled out. Well we started seeing much more of each other with the D.A and the private lessons I was giving to her, Hermione, and Ron. After we had spent a lot of time around each other we got comfortable enough to talk about our feelings and we both discovered that we had the same feelings for each other.

We both decided to just go slow and see what happened. That was working until one night after a D.A meeting where she and I became very "busy" and we decided that we were going to have to tell people about us including Ron. I was reluctant to tell Ron because he was my best friend and notoriously protective of his little sister. It turns out our fears were silly because Ron reacted much differently then we expected him to.

Flash Back

_Harry Potter was walking down the hallway of Hogwarts holding hands with his newly found girlfriend Ginny Weasley. They were headed towards the Room of Requirements to meet her brother who was also his best friend Ron. They had both decided that it was time to tell Ron about their blossoming young relationship. They were both a little apprehensive well no apprehensive wasn't the right word, they were scared to death about how he would take it. Ron at times had been jealous of all the attention that people paid to Harry and how much money he had. He was also very protective of his little sister and didn't want her dating. _

_All of those things had created feelings of terror in both Ginny and Harry but they had decided they owed it to Ron to tell him the truth. So they asked him to meet them in the Room of Requirements so they would have privacy when they revealed their secret to him. _

_Ron Weasley was walking from the opposite direction towards the Room of Requirements and with him was his girlfriend Hermione Granger. Although Harry had asked only to meet him he didn't think he would mind him bringing Hermione along. Ron was wondering what could be so important that it would require Harry to tell him only in the Room of Requirements. Hermione turned to him and squeezed his hand sensing that Ron was feeling a bit nervous. Then she saw the Tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and knew they had arrived. She pointed it out to Ron and they both walked in front of the blank wall thinking "we need to find the room Harry Potter is in" and after they did that a door opened up and they walked in. _

_The room they walked in to was decorated in the style of their common room but had two couches that were facing each other with the space in front of them taken up by a low coffee table. On one of the couches sat both Harry and Ginny and they were next to each other covered in a huge blanket, the reason for the blanket being so that Ron couldn't observe that they had their hands entwined. Ron and Hermione sat down on the other couch and quickly assumed a comfortable position of Hermione laying/leaning against Ron and his arm around her. _

"_I hope you don't mind but I brought Hermione along with me" Ron said as he looked at the boy who had been his best friend for the past six years. He also raised his eyebrows at the presence of Ginny curious as to why she was here. Harry nodded to show that it was fine that Hermione was here and then he saw Ron's glance at Ginny and decided it was time to explain the reason he had asked him there. Ginny sensing his thoughts gave his hand a squeeze and a small smile. _

"_Ron, Hermione Ginny and I have something to tell you guys. Now Ron I want you to let me finish. Ginny and I are now dating we have been for about a few weeks" Harry said then he held up his hand to stop Ron from saying anything "Now I know how you feel mate about me dating your sister but I promise I will love her and never hurt her" That is as far as Harry got before Ron grinning like a fool gave him a huge hug and clapped him on the shoulder. "Mate let me tell you if I could pick anyone to be with Ginny it would be you." He smiled at Harry. Hermione smiled at Ron and then at Harry and Ginny truly glad that Harry had found some happiness in his life._

_Harry let go of a breathe that he hadn't been aware he was holding and turned to Ginny a huge smile on his face and gave her a resounding kiss._

_END FLASH BACK_

Harry sighed softly at the memory and realized how much he still missed Ginny. True it had been awhile since he had buried her but he had never really ever gotten past her death. He wiped away a few tears that had rolled down his cheeks and then as if suddenly remembering he was not alone in his apartment his eyes raced to Katherine terrified that he had allowed her to witness that show of weakness. Then he laughed at himself realizing that his break down earlier was ten times worse then what he just let her see.

Katharine recognized that fear of showing weakness and cursed those horrible people who had made this poor man afraid of showing his fear and sorrow. She smiled at him and took his hand. It was obvious that this Ginny person was someone he had really loved and something bad had happened. It was clear to her that it was helping him to talk about her and so she encouraged him to tell her more about his girlfriend Ginny.

Harry decided he suddenly wanted to talk about Ginny and so he decided to share with her the memory of their first Christmas together as a couple

_Flash Back_

_Harry and Ginny were spending Christmas at the Potter Family Compound on the Potter Family Island. Along with them was the entire Weasley family including Bill and Charlie. Hermione Granger and her parents Dan and Emma Granger were there as well. Most of the Order of the Phoenix was going to be there at one time or another and for most of Christmas Day. A few of Harry Potter's friends were going to be there for a few days namely Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Dean Thomas, and Seamus Finnigan among others. The entire D.A was going to show up for a special New Years Eve party. _

_The main group of friends left Hogwarts via Portkey and went directly to the Potter Compound. They arrived there a few days before Christmas and proceeded to pick out bedroom and amuse themselves. _

_The day before Christmas everyone was in a decorating frenzy. There were a grand total of 20 trees that were spread out through the entire compound. Most of the Members of the Order of the Phoenix had already arrived and they split off in to groups to tackle decorating the trees. Tiny Professor Flitwick was rotating between the groups of kids to help them cast some festive charms. He also enchanted the Mistletoe to sing sweet songs whenever two people were caught underneath it. _

_A lot of the couples were taking turns being silly and letting them get caught underneath the mistletoe. First it was Remus and Tonks who did it then Ron and Hermione did it on a dare from Fred and George. Well then not to be left out Ginny and Harry did it with quite a few people watching and yelling catcalls. Even Professor Dumbledore gave Professor McGonagall a light peck when they both went into the living room at the same time. Professor McGonagall's check had an unaccustomed reddish tinge to them after that incident. The only couple not to do it on purpose was Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood who believed that Mistletoe was infested with Nargles whatever those were. _

_Soon it was nighttime and the teenagers decided to go out on the beach and have a bonfire. Professor Dumbledore remembering what it was like to be young wisely suggested that most of the adults call it a night. He left Remus, Tonks and a few of the younger members of the Order to be on guard duty. Not that he really felt that it was necessary. Not only was the Potter Compound under Fidelus charm the entire Island was protected by heavy magic that would not allow anyone who intended harm to one of the Potter line or a friend of the Potter line to step foot on the Island. The only reason Harry had never been here before is the secret keeper had been Sirius and he had not yet been able to tell Harry about it before he died. In his will he entrusted the secret to either Remus Lupin or Professor Albus Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore put the guards out there to satisfy Molly Weasley and to make sure the kids didn't get too out of hand. _

_ The couple was spread out over the beach and seemingly by mutual agreement each couple had staked out their own little private spot. Harry and Ginny had headed up the shore and up a small little path to the top of one of the cliffs. There was a cave where Harry had taken to meditating and practicing his martial arts outside. Together they headed towards the cave walking hand in hand. _

_ Together they finally reached the spot upon the cliffs. To their right was the cave where Harry meditated. He went into it and brought out some blankets in case the night got chilly. In front of them was the edge of the cliff and then the endless rushing sea. The view was absolutely gorgeous. On the other side was the forest which the path cut through. _

_Harry and Ginny both sat down at the edge of the cliff, Ginny resting her head on Harry's shoulder as he lightly ran his fingers through her hair as it seemed to shimmer in the moonlight. Ginny slowly turned and captured his lips in a soft, gentle, sublime kiss. _

_As Harry kissed back he silently thought to himself. "This has got to be the absolute best moment of my life. I am completely safe and with the girl I love" _

((Ok I am going to let your perverted imaginations describe the snogging session that follows. I really don't feel like writing it))

_As the couple finally took a break to breathe they realized that suddenly it had gotten late. It had just been about sunset when they had come out and already there were a plethora of stars in the clear crisp December night. _

_They were simply sitting under the stars snuggling when Ginny softly murmur something about this night being every girls dream. Harry asked her how so and she answered that almost any girl in the wizarding world would give anything to be sitting here _

_Harry laughed and blushed but he knew it was true. He could have any girl in the entire wearing world but he only wanted the sexy red head that was curled up with him. Suddenly Harry tensed as he thought he heard something. _

"_Harry what is wrong?" Ginny asked with a small amount of concern in her voice. She knew that they were perfectly safe… but Harry's "reactions" were usually right. _

"_I just heard something Ginny, I am going to check it out I want you to stay here" Harry said as he straightened his shirt and drew his wand. He walked away from the cliff and concentrated on listening. He heard the song again coming from the forest he slipped into the forest and decided to figure out what was making that sound. _

_Ron Weasley was walking through the forest quietly trying to figure out where Harry and Ginny were. Ever since the beginning of the year Ron had taken the responsibility of guarding Harry very seriously. He was part of Harry's personal body guard force. This was a group of people who basically protected Harry in the castle and whenever he went out. _

_This group had been formed when Harry had refused to have Order people following him around everywhere he went. Professor Dumbledore said that Harry must be protected. Harry and he struck a deal and Harry would get to chose 3/4ths of his protective detail, but they would have to be trained by Alastor Moody. Harry had logically chosen Neville, Seamus, Luna and the twins among others. He also had to choose a person to be in charge of it and a deputy. He had totally shocked Ron when he had told him that he wanted him to head it. _

_"There is nobody I trust more then you and Hermione when it comes to protecting me and you just have a better head for strategy mate. I know that there is no way you would ever willingly let anything happen to me" Harry had said the night that he had asked Ron to head the guard detail. That was right after the disastrous attack on Diagon Alley... _

AN: 2

Ok and there we come to an end of this chapter. I was going to put the attack on Diagon Alley in this chapter but I figured this one is getting a bit long. Plus I wanted to leave you all with a bit of a cliffy. Have no fear you will get the end to this "memory" I would also like to thank my cool dude friend Shawn and his friend for giving me such great props on the story. This last bit of the chapter and the next chapter are dedicated to the 2 of them. YOU 2 ROCK!

Signing out for now

---carson


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